When I was in kindergarten, I thought everyone’s mom made them get baths, keep their hair clean and go to school looking presentable. Then, I met my best friend, Rachel, and realized she didn’t smell like the other kids. I thought everyone’s mom helped out at the school and played the piano for them at the talent show. But then my mom had to help other kids and play for their songs, too.
When I was in elementary school, I thought everyone’s family took road trips and everyone’s mom said when they got in, “Let’s see what adventure we can find.” I thought every family sang harmony to make the miles more interesting. Then I met some kids who hated being around their parents and rarely hung out with them. I thought every one’s dad asked them what they learned in school that day and asked them if it was the same thing the Bible taught and helped them find the answer. But some kids told me they had no idea what the Bible said about salvation and didn’t know that Genesis actually teaches the opposite of evolution.
I thought every kid who did something wrong could apologize and be forgiven without verbal and physical abuse. I thought every mom and dad dropped their kids off at school and were there to pick them up at the end of the day. Then I found out some kids were afraid of their parents or not sure who would be picking them up that day because it was always someone different. I also believed that all parents always stood by the teacher and supported him or her but would listen if the kids felt the teacher sincerely wronged them and would talk to the teacher about it. But I discovered some kids had parents who were always yelling at the teacher or not believing their child when they said a teacher acted inappropriately. I believed every kid had fun with and learned from their parents and laughed together a lot. I found out that wasn’t true of every kid.
In middle school, I thought all kids had parents who talked to them about changes they should expect, temptations they’d need to avoid and friends who weren’t good for them. Then, I met some kids whose parents didn’t even know where they were the night before. I believed all parents believed in their kids and expected that they would be smart and creative in their own special way. When kids made fun of me, I thought everyone’s parents would tell them, “They’re just jealous. Go be who God made you to be, and show them love because they don’t have the blessings you do.” Then, I met some friends who still live daily with a parent’s cutting words enforcing the idea they will never amount to anything. I didn’t know parents actually yelled and threw things at one another and still preached and taught Sunday school at church. But, I heard a few stories from their kids and found out I was wrong.
When I got to high school, I thought everyone’s parents expected good grades but took the time to study with their kids and give them silly tricks to remember obscure history facts. Then, I talked to some classmates who never opened their books, and their parents didn’t even care. I thought every teen could talk to their parents about things they didn’t understand and their parents would listen even if they disagreed. I believed that conflicts were always out in the open and quickly resolved because families hashed it out together and loved each other through the process. But some friends had some really strange ideas that they would be terrified to talk to their parents about because they knew they didn’t agree. And, I thought everyone’s parents helped them gather information and pray but ultimately let them decide what God’s will was for their lives, even if it didn’t include college, ministry or a lucrative career. But I’ve talked to countless adults who blew time, money and lost precious things in universities they were forced to enter. Sadly, I’ve also met some disillusioned people who thought they had a call to preach and didn’t but wouldn’t consider any other calling legitimate because their parents didn’t think it was “spiritual enough.”
When I was dating, I assumed every family invited their daughter’s boyfriend over and got to know him. And I thought that parents who knew you were dating a Godly guy would support you and ask balanced questions like, “Did he kiss you yet?” and “Are you honoring God with purity in your relationship?” on a regular basis. I just figured everyone could talk to their parents about what that balance was and how to figure out what God wants. But, I’ve met a lot of girls (and guys) who don’t have a clue how they’re destroying their lives in countless dating relationships and practices that will haunt them forever.
Then, I got married, and I had kids. I thought every family just included sons and daughters-in-law as part of the family. I believed most families would share the kids and grandkids and not fight for the kids/grandkids to love them the best. I figured families generally could have parties with all the grandparents in the same room and they actually enjoy each other’s company. Then, a friend will tell me they have to have four different birthday parties or Christmases or whatever because the feuding in-laws could definitely not be trusted not to ruin the event.
I took a lot of things for granted in my younger years. Becoming a wife and a mother showed me a lot of what I’d been given and now had to struggle to reproduce. Getting older and meeting new people shows me that fewer people than I dreamed grew up with the security, love and support I had. Am I saying my family was perfect or my parents never made mistakes? Of course not. But even mistakes were ways to learn and grow together and practice apology and forgiveness.
I am humbled to think of the blessings I’ve received, undeserved, from God’s Hand. I am motivated to repeat all the good things I had with my children as much as possible. But my heart goes out to those who didn’t have those things. Is it too late for them? Do they have any hope of recovering from missed opportunities and bereavement of so much more?
I’m just an uneducated, bumbling mom. I don’t have deep answers for saving the world or even my small part of the world. But this I know: it’s not too late for each of us to change our family tree where it needs changing. It’s not too late to shrug off our pasts (with help, if needed) and ask God to help us make it different for our families. And perhaps the most challenging thing of all for someone like me….in order to give my kids the lives my parents gave me I have to do what they did. I have to sacrifice where they did. And I have to partner with the God they had. Because this time, I can’t just take things for granted. I have to take what’s been granted and treasure it with all I have. Only then will I have something to pass down to my own kids.