On Presence

I sit before Him desperately searching the Scriptures for something….anything….to get me through this. I pray through the list of miracles I need. I try to wait before Him, but I fidget. Things needing completed today call to me even as I call out to Him. When my eyes settle on the Scripture, “My Presence shall go with thee,” I nearly skim over it. When did simply His Presence stop being enough?

Back when my heart was heavy and burdened with guilt and shame for my sin, I didn’t have such a long list of things. I was alone and ashamed. I just wanted the guilt to be gone and a Savior to walk with me. In the most miraculous moment of my life, He came, He forgave, He cleansed my heart from sin. I loved spending time with my newly found Jesus. I still love spending time with Him, but on the bad days it feels like I need more. When did I get so greedy?

It happened like this when two young kids started dating, one barely over 20 and the other a few years shy. We went through our days of work and school waiting until the next time we could just be together. It seemed like all we lived for, all we dreamed. When marriage went from dreams to a date on the calendar, we didn’t care about the day-to-day stuff of paying bills and who emptied the trash and what we were having for dinner tonight and at what time. We just couldn’t wait to be together.

We know about the Emmanuel of Christmas and the Shepherd of Psalm 23. We know that He’s promised to never leave us or forsake us. Why do we hurriedly nod and say, “Yeah, but…..”?

So, this battle is hard. And this day is long. And tomorrow doesn’t hold a lot of promise that it will be different. Through the pages of His Word, He whispers again, “I’m here. I’m with you. My Presence will keep walking beside you.”

I stop. I wait. I erase my miracle wish list. I take His hand and whisper back, “I’m ready. Let’s go.”