Is Organized a Destination?

It comes up when just about any group of women gets together, though I strongly suspect men don’t discuss it. Someone sighs and says, “I am just always behind. I need to get more organized.” And everyone else nods knowingly. When someone does accomplish something like seeing the bottom of her laundry basket or cleaning out a closet, someone sighs and says, “If only I could be more organized like you.” The one who has all the rings of Saturn around her bathtub and the one who hasn’t changed the sheets since her kindergartener was born just stay silent. No use letting everyone else know how bad things are. It’s obvious they don’t have the “organized” gene.

We feel like all of our problems could magically go away if only we got a hold on the elusive “organized”. The problem with being organized is that it isn’t a destination as much as a way of life. If we could all wave our magic wands before bed and suddenly have our lives “organized”, we’d still have to get up and do a lot of tweaking the next morning. However, we hold ourselves hostage to this ideal and despair of ever reaching it. So, we give up. And we do nothing. Or we buckle down and do everything. But no matter which end of the spectrum we choose, we do it at a frenetic pace.

The dictionary defines “organized” as “having one’s affairs in order so as to deal with them efficiently.” That’s not a lot of detail. It doesn’t even mention schedules or canvas storage bins or washi tape. It doesn’t tell us what affairs we’re to have in order or what “efficiently” means exactly. No wonder we can never achieve it. We each think being organized is everything we want and everything we’re not.

I think what we’re actually chasing is a feeling. We want to get up and greet our day instead of struggle out of bed with our day hitting us like a freight train. We want to feel like there’s more to the day than washing endless piles of dishes and clothes. We want to get places on time, feeling prepared, instead of arriving at every destination out of breath and missing a few supplies we needed. We want to enjoy our days with our favorite people instead of always have to “do” and “be” more.

The thing is we all have drastically different lives so that’s going to look different for each of us. One woman has to be at work at 7:30 in the morning, while another one is home all day educating her kids. Someone else doesn’t have any kids and runs a company out of her basement while her friend virtually lives out of her car, taking kids from one event to another.

If “organized” is a way of life and a feeling, as I propose, you might not even feel the need to see the bottom of your laundry basket. You might be perfectly content and working efficiently with the washer and dryer running 24/7. You might be perfectly content without totes or canvas bins to hide your stuff because you don’t even have “stuff.” And maybe the 5 AM morning routine isn’t as peaceful to you as sleeping in and taking just 15 minutes to dress each morning before you start your day.

Perhaps the most important thing is that you get to choose what “organized” means. It doesn’t have to look like a Better Homes and Gardens display or even an IKEA sales floor. Your best friend or your secret enemy doesn’t have to approve. The “other” mom, co-worker, lady at church or neighbor down the street doesn’t have to give any input at all into what “organized” means to you.

Before we all go collapse on top of a laundry pile and eat bonbons (what are bonbons anyway?) while we ignore dinner prep, let’s think about what we actually want in our lives. What is the feeling or way of life we’re really after? If we forget about everyone’s opinion but ours and maybe the opinions of the people that live in our house, what would “organized” look like?

Now this is where I give you a list of dos and don’ts and tips on how to get your life together. Um, no. If I did that, I would be defeating the whole point I made above. If you copied my life exactly, you would no longer be living your life. So, instead of giving you a list of things to do, I’m going to ask you some questions. These are questions I like to ask myself when “organized” starts to become a destination I chase instead of a way of life.

What is your favorite part of the day? How can you make it even more special?

What is your most hated chore? How can you make it more enjoyable?

What part of your to-do list causes you to want to procrastinate the most? Is it necessary? If it is, can you do it first and get it out of the way?

What room in your house causes you the most stress? Why is that? Is there anything you could do today to make it more peaceful?

Is there anything on your to-do list that you could remove permanently? Or give to someone else to do?

Is there anything not on your to-do list that you wish was on it? What would it take for you to put it on there and get it done?

Can you make any part of your day better by inviting someone to share it with you? Or would any part of your day be better if you could have it completely to yourself? How could you make that happen?

What systems or routines can you set up to make things flow efficiently without even having to think about them? What are those things?

I’ve been a homemaker for almost 23 years. I have had times when I felt like chaos reigned and times when I felt on top of the world—mostly on a pendulum within the same day. I’ve been a stay-at-home wife, a work-from-home mom, an involved-in-25-activities homeschooling mom, a supporting wife when my husband started multiple businesses from the living room or basement, and a stay-at-home mom available with a meal or a ride when needed. Most of the time, if I had a very flexible plan for the following areas, the feeling of “organized” persisted more than chaos. At least, I knew what to go back to when chaos started pinging off the walls of my house. If you are so overwhelmed you don’t know where to start with an “organized” feeling and way of life, here are a few routines you might want to set up. Now, again, I’m not telling you how or when. That’s still up to you.

Food — What you’re going to feed everyone, how you’re going to get it and when

Clothes — What everyone is wearing, keeping it clean and putting it where they can find it

Errands and Appointments — Who needs to see the doctor or get a haircut, how and when they are going to get there

Cleaning — What needs to be done to keep everyone healthy, physically and emotionally, and how it will get done

Hygiene — Because sometimes you have to schedule it or it won’t get done

Work/School — How and when you’re going to get there and what you need to take with you OR How and when you’re going to start and what you need to do that (if you work or school from home)

So, let’s imagine we’re in that group of ladies again. Someone pipes up and says they’ve been working on cleaning out closets. We think about our closets and how messy they are. But, we keep the doors closed and they don’t really bother us. Let’s practice together. “Wow! That’s great! I’ve been working on feeding my family dinner every night. You wouldn’t believe what a mean hot dog I can make.” Maybe if we did that, it would give that mom of a newborn courage to chime in and say, “You know. I’m really proud of you guys. Personally, I have got a shower every day for the last three days, and my baby is still alive.” Everyone else nods knowingly (unless they’ve never had a newborn) and congratulates her. Then someone else mentions that they have their kids’ lunches packed for the next 5 days, someone just alphabetized her whole pantry and another lady tells us about the makeover she just gave her entertaining cupboard. We smile and congratulate. Every. single. time. And we stop making it about us. Celebrate the differences we all have.

If “organized” is a good feeling, then maybe “support” is the best of all.